Ashton Kutcher is somehow the spokesperson for Popchips, a potato chip company, and he did an ad that was immediately pulled because people said it was racist because a white guy in browface in 201 apparently still offends people. Anway, via a message on their website, the CEO of Popchips apologized.

we received a lot feedback about the dating campaign parody we launched today and appreciate everyone who took the time to share their point of view. our team worked hard to create a light-hearted parody featuring a variety of characters that was meant to provide a few laughs. we did not intend to offend anyone. i take full responsibility and apologize to anyone we offended. – keith belling, founder and ceo of popchips

First off, who cares? Second of all, this CEO doesn't use capitalization, so I really can't tell if he's serious or not. If he really wants to make amends he should shoot Ashton Kutcher in the face. Or do my laundry. I have to be honest, it's really starting to pile up, man.

Ashton Kutcher thinks that blocking individual journalists' Twitter accounts will keep them out of his business. Radar Online says:

Ashton Kutcher is one of the most followed celebrities on Twitter, but RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned there are certain people the Two and a Half Men actor is now blocking from his account — journalists. On Monday morning RadarOnline.com's Executive Vice President and Editor in Chief at Star magazine David Perel and the Senior Executive Editor of both Radar and Star Dylan Howard were blocked from seeing Kutcher's tweets, along with numerous other entertainment journalists in the industry, despite being one of his 9.3 million long-time followers. "@aplusk is awfully sensitive these days...blocking entertainment journalists on Twitter and using a lawyer on the Demi situation," Perel tweeted from his @IMPerel account. "Sure @aplusk has banned @dylanshoward and me from following him, but we always had a lot more fun with Charlie anyway! #winning." Perel is referring to L. Stanton Stein, the new attorney Kutcher has hired to make sure the situation between himself and his estranged wife Demi Moore — who was taken to the hospital a week ago because she was taking Adderall and had a seizure and suffers from anorexia -- doesn't reflect poorly on him. It was of course Star magazine who exclusively broke the details of Kutcher and Moore's impending $290 million divorce, a full nine weeks before the actress announced they were separating. Star was also the magazine that splashed exclusive photos of the Punk'd star partying with a gaggle of blonde girls in the San Diego hotel penthouse, where he reportedly slept with 23-year-old Sara Leal on his sixth wedding anniversary with Moore, across their cover in October. "Just found out @aplusk has blocked @IMPerel and I from following him on Twitter. Now waiting for Kutcher state-run showbiz news service," Howard quipped on Twitter. "Out of 9,355,302 followers, @IMPerel and I didn't make the cut. What's with that @aplusk?! Come on... I loved Dude, Where's My Car?"

Out of 9+ million Twitter followers, Ashton Kutcher blocked a handful of entertainment journalists. That'll work really well. Just the way Ashton not personally calling the tabloids after banging 22-year-old skanks worked out for him. Good lookin' out bro!

Demi Moore, seen here less than a month after the world find out her husband fucked two Vegas skanks on their wedding anniversary, was rushed to the hospital Monday night after paramedics responded to a 911 substance abuse call at her house at 10:45pm. Man, what would force a newly separated woman on the wrong side of 40 coming to the realization that her husband of 7 years is a serial cheater to want to end it all with drugs and alcohol? Being really sleepy apparently. TMZ reports:

Sources tell us she is being placed in a facility to "seek further professional assistance." Our sources say the treatment is for substance abuse. Demi's rep tells TMZ, "Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health. She looks forward to getting well and is grateful for the support of her family and friends."

Yes, "exhaustion". That's the reason. She was just tired so somebody had to call the paramedics and rush her to the hospital for immediate treatment for sleepiness. Sources inside the hospital say that she is recovering nicely in footie pajamas drinking chamomile tea while nurses take turns reading her Goodnight Moon. Haha just kidding I mean she's probably on an IV getting her stomach pumped because her husband's a douche.

UPDATE: She apparently had a seizure and is also being treated for anorexia. So, yeah. She's doing great.

"I nicknamed my dick 'Nikon' LOL."
Every shitty actor in Hollywood is in New Year's Eve, the sequel to the equally shitty Valentine's Day. So of course Lea Michele and Ashton Kutcher were cast. Every time I see Lea Michele dressed up like this, I always wonder where the rest of the contestants in the evening gown portion of the Jewish Transvestite Pageant are, then I realize she's the only one competing. But that doesn't matter. Because Ashton Kutcher will literally fuck anything. No, really. Anything. NASA could announce they just found signs of vagina on Mars and he would immediately be on Priceline checking Mars' hotel ratings.

And the whores are comin' out. TMZ says:

Ashton Kutcher's alleged mistress -- the FIRST alleged mistress -- claims she feels "vindicated" by Demi Moore's divorce statement ... telling TMZ she hopes people will finally believe her story about sleeping with Ashton. TMZ spoke with Brittney Jones -- who claimed she got busy with Kutcher in 2010 after meeting the guy at a bowling alley. Jones' credibility was called into question when she capitalized on her sudden fame by releasing a sex tape .... which did NOT feature Ashton. Ashton's lawyer released a statement at the time Brittney was in the headlines, insinuating her story was a lie ... but not entirely denying. Now, Jones tells TMZ ... "Although divorce is often sad I do feel somewhat vindicated." She adds, "For so long people have thought that I was dishonest or just making up my passionate nights with Ashton, when in fact I was being used." "Ashton told me that both he and Demi had an 'open relationship' and that he was not in fact cheating. Now I can tell all the facts about how Ashton really was, and hopefully people will believe my side of the story." Still, Jones says, "I feel for Demi very much and wish her nothing but the best during this hard time."

Since everyone involved in this story is a bit of a douchebag, it's hard for me to care, but know the following: If a 40-something woman marries an actor almost half her age and starts Kabbalah after not having a hit movie in a decade, she's desperate for relevance. If a 22-year-old skank says she was "being used" by Ashton Kutcher, what she means is "fucking a married, rich, famous guy, capitalizing on his name by releasing a sex tape and trying to sell his clothing on eBay, and then talking to the media following his divorce announcement" hasn't earned her enough money yet. If a guy marries someone almost twice his age, when he tells 22-year-old skanks that he's in an "open relationship," what he means is, "Menopause made my wife's vagina feel like sandpaper. I can get you on TMZ." Happy to clear all of that up.

In September, specifically on 9/11, Ashton Kutcher tweeted it was "the greatest day of the year", because it was the opening day of the NFL season. That didn't go over too well. Why did I bring that up? Oh, because I don't know if you've heard, but there's been some other football news recently. Ashthon tweeted about that last night, too.

How do you fire Jo Pa? #insult #noclass as a hawkeye fan I find it in poor taste.

You'll never guess what happened almost immediately after his 8M+ followers saw that in their timeline. No, wait. You probably can.

Kutcher was attacked by people informing the actor about the situation -- writing things like, "F**k you. He covered up child rape you sick, geriatric f**k." Roughly 30 minutes later, Kutcher removed his original tweet -- and replaced it with, "Heard Joe was fired, fully recant previous tweet! Didn't have full story. #admitwhenYoumakemistakes."

Then....this.

He added, "As an advocate in the fight against child sexual exploitation, I could not be more remorseful for all involved in the Penn St. case." Kutcher also replied to people who called him an idiot -- saying, "I am" -- adding, "Honestly just had half facts man my bad ... I need 2b more responsible 4 my voice."

If you were unsure whether or not most celebrities are only just mindless lemmings who attach themselves to causes and issues just to seem smarter than the talking monkeys who make millions by reading words other people wrote that they are, Ashton Kutcher has made several anti-child sex slavery PSAs this year (read more of that here), but he can't be bothered to know or care that the Penn State locker room is a child orgy romper room before he opens his mouth and ignorant comes out. I honestly don't know what's worse, his blatant stupidity or that run-on sentence I just wrote. Sorry, Mrs. Roller. I know you tried when I was in your 4th grade class. Also, thanks for not raping me. That was pretty cool.

January Jones dated Ashton Kutcher when she first moved to Los Angeles, now Ashton Kutcher is married to this. I don't know the science behind it, but Demi Moore is 48 and has three kids, so her vagina is probably haunted and her OB/GYN sometimes has to use anti-freeze. And a feather duster or compressed air. Or whatever means she's old. Also, I understand why someone would want to have unprotected sex with January Jones. All this just makes sense basically is what I'm saying. HollywoodLife reports:

Internet websites and message boards are blowing up with wild speculation that Ashton got an ex-girlfriend who’s now a TV superstar PREGNANT and THAT’s what’s really breaking up his marriage to Demi Moore! Do you believe it? Ashton Kutcher‘s marriage to Demi Moore is reportedly under major stress after 21 year-old blonde Sara Leal has claimed that she spent a steamy night in bed with the Two and a Half Men star. But now we are reading and hearing widespread whispers and allegations that are linking him to a FAR more shocking affair! Commenters on BlindGossip.com are speculating that the following item, posted on Oct. 17, is about Ashton, 33, Demi, 48, and Ashton’s sexy ex-girlfriend January Jones: “This married actor had a one-night stand with one of his exes, who is an actress in an acclaimed television show. She wound up pregnant. The actor’s wife found out about the baby, and, to no one’s surprise, went completely ballistic. Both the actor and his wife tried every tactic (money, lawyers, threats to ruin her career) to convince the ex to terminate the pregnancy. Despite enormous pressure from all sides, the ex decided to keep the baby. The actor’s marriage is now on the rocks. We’re not sure how long everyone can remain tight-lipped about this one. It will be difficult to keep such a bombshell out of divorce proceedings, which will likely occur before the New Year.”

This is all rumor and speculation of course, so it's really up to you if you believe it or not. Just like the time somebody posted on Facebook that I screamed and hid behind my car when I saw a possum in my driveway. Please. Since when is a car a truck?

Bitches be crazy. Us Weekly reports:

In the new Us Weekly, the 22-year-old San Diego-based administrative assistant breaks her silence about the fateful early morning of Sept. 24 -- Kutcher's six-year anniversary with wife Demi Moore -- when she had sex with the actor, 33, following a wild, all-night party in his suite at San Diego's Hard Rock Hotel. "He just came up and kissed me," the Texas native tells Us of Kutcher's first bold move in the wee hours; minutes later, Leal, Kutcher and another young woman were completely nude and in a hot tub on the balcony. "I didn't think it was out of the ordinary," Leal admits. "I wasn't self-conscious about getting naked." When Kutcher claimed that he was "separated" from wife Moore, 48, Leal tells Us she believed him. After retreating to Kutcher's bedroom past 6 a.m., "he lost his towel and I took my robe off," Leal says. "Then we had sex." "He was good," Leal reveals. "It wasn't weird or perverted." It also wasn't 100 percent safe, either: Leal tells Us that Kutcher did not wear a condom during their one-on-one encounter. The post-coital talk was a little unexpected, she confesses; the duo talked astrology (they're both Aquarius), religion, love, even politics. "I told him I was a Lutheran from Texas. He said, 'Oh my gosh! Are you a Republican?'" Leal says. Democratic-leaning Kutcher quizzed her on "up-and-coming candidates. I said Rick Perry. He asked if I'd vote for him. I said I didn't know and he laughed. He laughed at pretty much everything I said."

Like most women, Sara Leal latched on and dropped her panties to the first man with fame and money who looked at her, and is now playing the victim because men are evil and treat women like whores. Here's a hint: This is why we treat you like whores. Mostly because instead of realizing, "hey, I'm a slut. I'm fucking a married dude just because he's famous", she thinks she deserves fame and as much money as she can possibly grab because she allowed Ashton Kutcher stick his dick in her vagina a few times in a hot tub. Because her vagina is special. And she has feelings. The only thing that's missing now is her lying about being pregnant so she can sell her story to People about how she miscarried with Ashton Kutcher's love child. What a sad story that would be. I bet she could get at least $500K for that.


"Men's lies: 'No, baby. I wasn't looking at that girl's ass.' Women's lies: 'IT'S YOUR BABY!!'" - Chris Rock